Hanukkah CAN be a High Holiday
The Jewish high holidays are usually made up of Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). During Rosh Hashanah, rather than popping champagne corks at midnight and going to wild parties, we Jews are meant to reflect on the past year and contemplate the mistakes we’ve made and the people who we’ve wronged (Woohoo! Fun!). Yom Kippur follows Rosh Hashanah and on that day we fast and basically spend all day in the synagogue begging God not to kill us in the coming year (Even more fun!). In this context “high” means most holy, and in all fairness, most ominous and least fun.
But now, thanks to Grav Labs, we can make Hanukkah both a High Holiday and loads of fun. This thanks to their epic Grav Labs Menorah which is basically this totally insane bong shaped like a beautifully crafted menorah. Each Menorah costs $699 and will make you SO high that you won’t care which is best, latkes or sufganiyot, you’ll just want to eat them all in a munchies induced food craze. Your head will spin faster than a dreidel that reads “Ness Gadol Hayah Pot.” You’ll contemplate Mary Jane and the Maccabees and when people greet you, they’ll say עד ארבע-מאות-ועשרים (may you live to 420). Yeah. Good times.